All of us wonder about the way the Messenger (PBUH) was with his
wives. How he dealt with them? How he treated them equally?
The Prophet accomplished the happiness to every one of them; that is
because he knew how to deal with women. He penetrated deeply into
her sensitive soul and he went on apostrophizing her with the warmth
of passion and assisted her to work for her religion and life.
How was the Prophet treating his wives?
What was the Prophet’s way in treating his wives? How could he treat
them equally?
The Prophet (PBUH) accomplished the happiness to every one of them;
that is because he knew how to deal with women and he penetrated
deeply into her sensitive soul and went on apostrophizing her with the
warmth of passion and assisted her to work for her religion and her life.
And what about his wives-the Mothers of all believers -? If we searched
to know about their lives, we will find that most of the books describe
the Prophet’s wives with a common quality; fasting a lot and spending
their nights praying. So they were privileged with their nearness from
Allah and in apostrophizing him all night , that’s why they deserved
this great honor ,they deserved to be the Mothers of all believers, wives
of the beloved Prophet(PBUH) in this life and in the hereafter.
But what about us? I know that a lot of the readers are married, and if
not, they can see what is going on in most of the marriages these days,
noticing their parents, relatives, and friends. Why marital happiness is
rare in our days? Is it our time’s fault? No, it is our fault, both men and
women.
The fact is that we ruined our lives by materialism, by forgetting our
religion, our Islamic civilization, and the teachings of the Prophet
(PBUH). We forgot our love to Allah and committed sins publicly; our
eyes and hearts do not blink for a moment that Allah is watching us.
Then ,What can we do now to let happiness come back to our marital
lives?
There is only one way; the way of Allah and his Prophet (PBUH). This
will make everyone happy with his partner in their marital life, and
feel the meaning of the marital happiness that Almighty Allah created.
From here, dear brothers and sisters, I thought of this series “The
Prophet as a husband,” to let every husband and wife who became far
from each other restore love again. I hope you will follow up this series.
All prayers, blessings, and peace of Allah upon Muhammad, his family,
and companions.
Pampering his Wives and Treating them Kindly
We all read about the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in the fields
of education, faith, politics, war, or economy but seldom was written
or published about his life (PBUH) inside his house and his relationship
with his wives. A person well informed about the familial relationships
of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) finds out that it included meanings
that we desperately miss in our present time. These meanings would
contribute to the stability of our homes and marriages. In this article
we are giving some examples of Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) consid-
eration to the feelings of his wives, his appreciation, and manifestation
of love.
Calling one’s wife with the name she loves the most or with a nick-
name or a musical name is one of the forms of pampering and being
kind to one’s wife. This can be seen in the life of Prophet Muhammad
(PBUH) who, in a saying ‘Hadith’ that is agreed upon by scholars, used
to say to his wife ‘A’isha: “ O ‘A’ish, this is Gabriel saying peace be upon
you, I replied,” and may peace and Allah’s Mercy and Blessings be upon
him. You see what I don’t” (She meant the messenger of Allah (PBUH)
He also used to call ‘A’isha: (Homayraa’) a short form of (“Hamraa’)
which, according to Ibn Kathir in The End ‘Al Nehaya’ , means the
white skinned woman. Aldhahabi also said that “Hamraa’” in the lan-
guage of the people of ‘Hegaz’ means white and blushing-a rare fea-
ture among them. So Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to treat ‘A’isha
kindly and call her with lovely names.
From the prophetic traditions ‘A’isha narrated about fasting, Imam
Muslim reported that she said: ‘The messenger of Allah (PBUH) used
to kiss one of his wives while fasting, and then she laughs, may Allah
be pleased with her.
In another prophetic tradition narrated by ‘A’isha, she said that Mu-
hammad (PBUH) said that the best of the believers is the one who is
best in manners and kindest to his own wife.
These sayings ‘Hadiths’ demonstrate how Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)
cared for his wives and how well he treated ‘A’isha, May Allah be
pleased with her.
One of the forms of cuddling and well treating one’s wife is feeding her
with one’s own hands. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Whatever
you spend is considered charity even the mouthful that you put in your
wife’s mouth.”
Even the food that one feeds one’s wife with one’s hands is considered
an act of charity that is rewarded by Allah (SBWT) and not only an ac-
tion that guarantees one her love and cooperation.
Cuddling and being kind to one’s wife has a tremendous emotional ef-
fect on her. This action of following the example of Prophet Muham-
mad (PBUH) costs a man nothing and grants him Allah’s reward, his
wife’s love and cooperation. Therefore a man is commanded to cuddle
and treat his wife kindly.
A man’s nature dictates on him certain way of expressing his feelings
and it is different from a woman’s. A woman expresses her love with
words like, I love you, I miss you, I need you, etc. On the other hand,
a man expresses love in action and production and seldom with words.
If a man wants to tell his wife that he loves her he buys her something
she wants or brings some food and drinks or furniture to the house. Ac-
cording to a man, this is a form of love expression.
The generous Prophet has indeed overcome this negative trait in the na-
ture of men. He used to describe his love and passion verbally for Lady
‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, treated her kindly, pampered
her, and let his wives hear what they wished for from their beloved
husband and this is a significant aspect in a man and wife’s relation-
ship. Ibn Assaker narrated on the authority of Lady ‘A’isha, May Allah
be pleased with her, that she said that the Prophet (PBUH) told her:
“Won’t you be pleased to be my wife in this life and in the hereafter?,
I said: “Yes,” he said: “You are my wife in this life and the hereafter.”
Imagine Lady ‘A’isha’s emotions having heard the words that guaran-
teed her security, love, and peace in this life and in the hereafter.
Al ‘Aas Ibn Al Rabee’ the husband of Zainab the daughter of Prophet
Muhammad (PBUH) leaves Makah escaping Islam. She sends to him to
return and embrace Islam. So He sends her a letter, an extract of which
is: “By Allah, I don’t see your father as an offender and I love nothing
more than following the same rout with you dear beloved. However, I
hate being said that your husband has let his people down. Would you
consider this and pardon me?” The letter demonstrates that Al ‘Aas
loved Zainab and wanted to be with her in whatever road. Moreover
he hated that people would talk in a way that displeases her. At the end
he asks her to consider and pardon him, for the sake of that love Zainab
managed to go to him and return with him a Muslim.
Some writers demonstrate the respect of the West to women by giv-
ing examples like a husband opening a car’s door to his wife. Although
this apparently is respect, yet, a mature person can see many aspects in
which a woman is being offended and disrespected in the West. Mus-
lims do not have the issue of man/woman conflict because they believe
each one completes the other and that mutual respect is a must.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is our example in this. One time during
his stay alone in adoration of Allah in the last ten days of Ramadan
(observing I’tikaf), his wife Lady Safeya came to visit him and spoke
with him for some time, then went to the door. Prophet Muhammad
(PBUH) led her to the door to say goodbye. In another narration, he
told her: “Do not hurry to leave till I come with you.” Her house was
at Ussama’s and he (PBUH) left with her. Respect is the source of con-
tinual love and stability in a family. Therefore we wish that it prevail
between a man and his wife.
If spouses treated each other in such way, a marriage would definitely
be beautiful. We desperately need to leaf through the life of the Proph-
et (PBUH) and the Islamic history to discover the most beautiful theo-
ries in the art of marriage.
The Prophet’s Way of Applying Love
To apply love between couples you need to be an inventor, a creative
woman like Lady ‘A’isha. Lady Safeya (May Allah be pleased with her)
asked ‘A’isha one day to try to let the Prophet excuse her because he
was angry with her because of some matter and she will give ‘A’isha
her day. Lady ‘A’isha wore a long saffron colored veil after and spread
water on it to make it smell well. She went to the Prophet and sat be-
side him but he said: “‘A’isha , go now it is not your day.” She said: “It’s
the favor of Allah being given to whom he want” and she told him the
story.
A woman asked Lady ‘A’isha about henna. She replied”: My beloved
(PBUH) loved its color and hated its smell.” Notice how she used the
love language in describing the Prophet’s opinion.
From the Prophet’s side, he has also his ways in applying love.
Lady ‘A’isha was asked about the first thing the Prophet was making
when entering his home. She replied: he was using siwak (arak stick for
tooth cleaning).Narrated by Muslim
Some scholars said that the Prophet did that to kiss his wives when ar-
riving home.
Al Bukhary narrated”: Lady ‘A’isha said that she was perfuming her
husband; his head and beard. She was also combing the Prophet’s hair
even if she was menstruating.”
Now some of men don’t beautify themselves for their wives besides
the bad smell of smoking persons. Some don’t care for their bodies and
armpits smell, clothes, hairs, and nails. They neglect embellishments
towards their women.
Women have rights to see and smell all good from their husbands. Fol-
low the Prophet’s example in that matter and you will see how these
things increases love between husbands and wives.
Ibn Abbas said that he was beautifying himself for his wife because it is
her right to see him in his best conditions as he likes the same from her.
Allah Almighty said: “And they (women) have rights (over their hus-
bands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reason-
able “(Al Bakara: 228)
Another example:
A woman came to Omar Ibn Elkhattab and asked him to divorce her
from her husband. When the caliph saw him he knew the reason of
his wife’s hatred towards him. So he ordered him to have a bath, adjust
his nails, his hair, and his clothes. His wife didn’t recognize him at the
beginning, and then she knew him and yielded the idea of divorce be-
cause she became very happy with this great change.
Yahia Ibn Abdelrahman Alhandhaly mentioned that he saw Muham-
mad Ibn Alhanafia in a red wrap and his beard was dropping some
scents from it. When he asked him about that, he answered him that it
is for the sake of his wife who likes to see him like that, the same way
he likes to see her in.
Learn the ways of increasing love between you and your wife…Follow
the example of the Prophet and his companions May Allah be pleased
with them…
Apply what you like to see from your wife upon yourself to strengthen
all love relationships and live a happy life… . rasoullah.com